Nikki Boyer on Dying for Sex, Grief, Friendship, and Carrying Molly’s Legacy Forward

Grief doesn’t end when someone dies—it evolves, deepens, and sometimes transforms into purpose. In this episode of The SEAM Podcast, Amy Cohen Epstein sits down with Emmy-winning actress, producer, and podcast host Nikki Boyer on the eve of her 50th birthday to reflect on friendship, caregiving, and what it means to carry someone you love forward after loss. Nikki opens up about her relationship with her best friend Molly—whose story became the groundbreaking podcast and FX series Dying for Sex—and the ways grief, legacy, and love continue to shape her life, marriage, and sense of meaning.

Amy Cohen Epstein: I’m here with Nikki Boyer, and I’m really excited. You’ve done so many interviews, and I don’t even feel like I need to do a big introduction. I want to start by talking about the fact that you’re turning 50 tomorrow.

Nikki Boyer: Literally tomorrow.

Amy Cohen Epstein: I love big birthdays. I think they’re milestones to be celebrated. When people say, “I hate my birthday, I don’t want to get older,” I’m like—what’s the alternative?

Nikki Boyer: Exactly.

Amy Cohen Epstein: And you’ve been through so much—as a friend, as a caregiver. I only know that role as a daughter. My mom died of cancer when I was young. And I didn’t even think of myself as a caregiver at the time—but looking back, I was.
So I want to ask you about that experience. Not the legacy after—but what it meant during the time you were showing up for Molly in that way.

Nikki Boyer: I think of it as being there for her life. Life is messy. And if you’re lucky enough to live a long one, you look back and see all these chapters.
When Molly was first diagnosed in 2011, I think I was a little detached. I had already lost my dad to cancer—he was 50. But somehow it still felt far away. When she was diagnosed at 46, I didn’t really think it was possible that she wouldn’t make it.

Amy Cohen Epstein: Fifty felt different then.

Nikki Boyer: Totally. When she was re-diagnosed in 2016, that’s when it hit me differently. She had already done chemo, had a bilateral mastectomy. I really thought she’d beaten it.
And she asked me—she didn’t say “Will you be my caregiver,” but she said, “I really want you next to me through this.” And that terrified me.

Amy Cohen Epstein: She asked you.

Nikki Boyer: Yes. And I think she knew she couldn’t ask more than I could give. I had a new relationship, stepkids, my own health stuff. But as time went on, I just kept showing up more.
And she made it fun. It was never just crying at doctor’s appointments. It was laughter. Adventure. Two worlds colliding at once.

Amy Cohen Epstein: I relate to that. When my mom passed away, my family started the Lynne Cohen Foundation. I chose to run it at 23. It became my way of grieving—and staying close to her.
Talking about someone you love keeps them present.

Nikki Boyer: I talk about Molly more now than when she was alive. And it’s helped me grieve in a way I didn’t know was possible.
When the podcast came out, when the show aired—every new phase brought a new wave of grief. But also gratitude. I feel like we’re still working together.

Amy Cohen Epstein: My mom was diagnosed at 48 and died at 53. I held my breath until I turned 49. I’ve always said: know your body, know your normal, and advocate for yourself. Molly’s misdiagnosis is such a powerful reminder of that.

Nikki Boyer: It’s so intimidating to challenge doctors—especially as women. But we have to. Molly talked about that openly. That’s part of her legacy.

Amy Cohen Epstein: There’s a quote about grief being like a rock in your pocket—you get used to the weight, but it never leaves.

Nikki Boyer: I love that. That feels right.

Amy Cohen Epstein: Watching the series—did it feel like reliving her death?

Nikki Boyer: Sometimes. Other times, I could watch as a producer. But when I watched the final episode with my husband, I was rocked.
I was holding her hand when she died. Something woke me up so I could be there. When I watch it now, the grief comes in waves. It’s not always about the death—it’s about what comes after.

Amy Cohen Epstein: All the life that doesn’t get lived.

Nikki Boyer: Exactly. The grief shows up in unexpected moments. But I believe emotional purging is necessary. If you don’t let it out, it comes out sideways—at your kids, at strangers.

Amy Cohen Epstein: It gets stuck.

Nikki Boyer: Totally. Molly and I had the darkest humor. That’s how we survived.

Amy Cohen Epstein: You have three boys. I live in poop humor.

Nikki Boyer: That tracks.

Amy Cohen Epstein: As we get older, I think we get clearer about who fills our cup and who drains it.

Nikki Boyer: Yes. I overcorrected at one point—hard boundaries. Then I had to soften. But I know now who fills my cup.
Molly didn’t like sharing. She wanted one-on-one time. But now, in this next phase, she’s helped me deepen all my friendships. There’s no surface-level conversation anymore.

Amy Cohen Epstein: That’s such a gift.

Nikki Boyer: I want to live fully. Travel. Love people hard. Be accountable. Not sweep things under the rug. She taught me that.
When you love deeply, you carve out space for grief too—but I’d rather love fully than live afraid.

Amy Cohen Epstein: That’s the heart of it.

Nikki Boyer: She’s my north star. She’s made my marriage better, my friendships better. I think she’d be proud.

Amy Cohen Epstein: I hope you have an incredible 50th birthday.

Nikki Boyer: Thank you. This conversation grounded me. It was exactly what I needed.

Editor’s Note: This interview has been edited for length, clarity, and readability.