A Pandemic Guide to Surviving the Holidays
Whether or not to gather with family over the holidays has never been a harder decision. Not only do we have to navigate the usual stressful family dynamics, but, for these past two seasons, we’ve had to worry we might be passing more than gravy and mashed potatoes over the dinner table. COVID-19 has dominated our thoughts, fears, and newsfeeds since March 2020, making it even more complicated to celebrate the holidays.
Clearly, people have a wide variety of feelings about the virus and how we should be reacting to it as a community. If you’re in some sort of miracle family where everyone agrees about how the government and citizens are handling masking-wearing, vaccination mandates, and social distancing requirements, that’s great! Congratulations. If your family is coming in with widely divergent opinions on COVID, you may feel inclined to hide in the bathroom with an entire sweet potato pie. Ready to embrace the painful awkwardness? The CDC has helpfully encouraged us to ask probing health history questions when we’re not discussing the merits of canned versus fresh cranberries. It might be fun to add that to the mix.
Should we gather? What if we have little kids and other vulnerable folks in our family?
We know that the vaccines are helping a LOT. The best way to protect those who will not /cannot yet get vaccinated, is to get vaccinated ourselves. As of November, 2021, everyone over the age of five is eligible for the Pfizer-BioNtech vaccine. That means that kids between the ages of five and eleven who are just now getting their first vaccine are five weeks from being considered fully-immunized. That’s three weeks between the two doses of the vaccine and two weeks afterward. Adults who have previously received the first round of vaccines and who are considered medically vulnerable, or who received the Johnson & Johnson vaccines initially, qualify for a booster at this time.
If we do gather, what precautions should we use?
If you’re all vaccinated and feeling healthy, great! It is, more than likely, safe to gather.
If there are people in your gathering who have not been vaccinated, it’s advised everyone wear masks when indoors… The fact that there’s Thanksgiving dinner on the table or a Christmas tree to gather around doesn’t matter to this contagion. If possible, gather outdoors or in extremely well-ventilated places. If anyone has any symptoms of illness, they should stay home or get tested with ample time for the results to come back before the gathering.
What’s the safest way to travel?
Getting to your destination: The community spread varies from place to place, so assessing your destination and the associated risk is critical in deciding if you should travel. Also, depending on where you’re going and how you get there, testing before your departure and a few days after landing may be wise, or even required. Quarantining at your destination may also be required — especially when traveling internationally. Check the current requirements of your destinations. The safest way to travel is whatever gets you there fastest — taking short road trips or flying with few layovers is your best bet. On the airplanes themselves, air circulation and filtration is superb, but waiting in large crowds at the airports adds risk. If you’re road tripping, drive and overnight with only the members of your household. Rental houses are typically safer than hotels. Whenever you’re in shared indoor space with people you don’t know, wear well-fitting masks.
How do we tell people we’re just not comfortable getting together?
How do you have that awkward conversation?
If you are looking for a gracious way to cancel rather than spend the holidays with an unvaccinated family member who has not been behaving unsafely in your opinion, you can say something like:
“As per our doctor and CDC recommendations, we’re not comfortable being around anyone who isn’t fully vaccinated for COVID. This virus has been detrimental for those with adequate immune systems and absolutely devastating to those more vulnerable, such as the immunocompromised. For that reason, we are sad to say we must decline the invitation to this year’s festivities. We ask that anyone, regardless of vaccination status, with ANY sort of symptoms, not come near us until they’ve tested negative and are back to full health. Even though it’s a tough subject, we think it’s so important that there be full and honest communication on this point. We know this is difficult and we are SO READY for this virus to be GONE, but for now, we promise we’ll keep sharing loads of adorable pics and videos of our kids to tide you over. With love and hope!”
So, it’s The Nina, The Pinta, The Santa Maria, and…The Delta?
Here’s why it’s reasonable to still be totally freaked out about getting together with anyone outside of your own household: multiple variants of the COVID-19 virus keep showing up. Viruses morph and adapt; it’s what they do. After a steady downward slope of cases between January and July of 2021, cases began spiking again, and this is due, in large part, to the Delta variant — a more contagious and deadly version of the COVID virus than we initially faced. Most people suffering from severe cases of the Delta variant of COVID are unvaccinated, but it is possible for fully-vaccinated people to catch and spread this variant, as well (known as breakthrough infections). Even though there’s some peace of mind with being vaccinated, having your children vaccinated, and being around exclusively vaccinated people, masking and social distancing, and avoiding large crowds is still the safest bet.
Conclusion
So, where does this all leave you regarding grandma’s voicemail asking if she should set a plate for you at Thanksgiving next week? You’ve been doing these COVID risk/family harmony complex math problems for nineteen months now, you’ll have to do it one more time. Be prepared to stand firm with your boundaries and to potentially upset a few family members with your decision. Thankfully, winter doesn’t last forever and you can all look forward to gathering outside in the spring and summer. Also, we’re learning how to manage this contagious virus better every day, and it’s reasonable to hope that one day we won’t have to be making these terrible decisions. Lastly, sending a six-pound piecaken in your stead goes a long way to maintaining peace.
Sarah Zimmerman is a freelance writer in Northern California and is working on her first novel. In past lives,, she has been a Physician Assistant in Women's Health and the owner of a vegan ice cream business. Sarah writes about marriage, sex, parenting, infertility, pregnancy loss, social justice, and women's mental and physical health, always with honesty and humor. She has written for Ravishly, Cafe Mom, Pregnant Chicken, and more and can be found at sarahzwriter.com and on Medium, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok at @sarahzwriter.