Building Families Through Surrogacy: Marly Steinman on Infertility, Loss, and the Power of Informed Choices

In this deeply moving episode of the SEAM Podcast, SEAM founder Amy Cohen Epstein speaks with licensed marriage and family therapist Marly Steinman, who shares her personal and professional experience with infertility and surrogacy. After enduring years of miscarriages, IVF cycles, and emotional loss, Marly became a mother through gestational surrogacy—a life-changing experience that led her to help others navigate the same path. Drawing from her clinical training and lived experience, Marly now supports intended parents with compassion, clarity, and informed advocacy. This conversation highlights the emotional toll of infertility, the importance of self-compassion, and the value of having access to informed reproductive options in partnership with medical professionals.

Amy Cohen Epstein:
Marly, I’m so excited to be here with you today—introduced, of course, by our mutual friend Camille Lasker, who I’ve had on this podcast. This is a subject I haven’t really dived into before, so I’m really looking forward to learning more. We’re going to talk about all things related to surrogacy and the many ways people build families. You’re a licensed marriage and family therapist and a fertility expert. Give us your background. How did you become an expert in this field—and why? I’ve read your story, and I think there’s something powerful about becoming an expert because you needed to.

Marly Steinman:
Thank you, Amy. It’s such a pleasure to be here. I’m grateful you’re taking the time to have me on, and I appreciate Camille for connecting us.

I’ve been a marriage and family therapist for 13 years, with a master’s in psychology, and I’ve always specialized in anxiety, depression, and infertility. Over time, I became more focused on infertility patients and really started to understand what women go through on these journeys. And then, I had my own infertility experience, which lasted about four to five years.

Amy:
Did you always want to be a therapist? Did that specific area of therapy always interest you?

Marly:
No, not at all. I went to USC and majored in communications. I was really interested in entertainment, fashion, and styling. I worked for a company in celebrity PR, did red carpet events, worked at William Morris Endeavor, and was in the mailroom at a couple of agencies. My mom was a therapist, so I had exposure to psychology, but it didn’t really click for me until a close childhood friend of mine got sick with Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

She was at UCLA, undergoing a stem cell transplant, and I took some time off work to be with her. It was during that period that I realized I wanted to do something meaningful—something that had to do with relationships and helping people through hard things. I’d always been curious about people, always been a nurturer. So I went back to get my master’s in psych and eventually became licensed.

Amy:
Did you go straight into private practice?

Marly:
Not quite. When you’re getting your hours, you have to work under supervision in someone else’s practice. Once I was licensed, I opened my own practice, brought my patients with me, and built it from there. I had already worked in treatment centers, clinics, and other environments. I really valued one-on-one time with patients, and private practice gave me the space to focus on that.

Amy:
And being your own boss gave you some flexibility and autonomy, I imagine.

Marly:
Absolutely. I was around 29 or 30, and having control over my schedule and choosing who I worked with was really empowering.

Amy:
So, fast-forward to the fertility piece. You mentioned your own struggles—can you talk more about that journey?

Marly:
Yes. Around the time I got married in my early 30s, we started trying to have kids. I got pregnant a few times, but they all ended in very early miscarriages. I went through testing, IVF, medicated IUIs—everything. On paper, my numbers were great: high AMH, great ovarian reserve. But the egg quality wasn’t there.

We tried everything—retrievals, transfers, more testing—and still, nothing was working. I saw multiple doctors. Eventually, after four years, I was told my best chance for a healthy pregnancy was through surrogacy…

Amy:
That is so much. And it’s not just physically exhausting—it’s psychologically devastating.

Marly:
Yes. And as someone trained to help others through emotional trauma, I can honestly say that my training didn’t help me much in that moment.

Amy:
That’s what I suspected.

Marly:
When it’s your own trauma, your own fear, it’s really hard to access that part of yourself that knows how to cope. You can counsel others, but applying it to yourself is a whole different thing. What I tried to remember was to give myself the same grace I’d give a client. Feelings of grief, anger, jealousy—especially when everyone around you is having babies—are real. And they’re okay.

Amy:
Totally. I remember after I had a miscarriage, just thinking, “I want my mom.” I was hysterical. It’s so physical, emotional, messy—and yet people expect you to move on like it’s no big deal.

Marly:
Exactly. And on top of all that, when I finally started to consider surrogacy, it wasn’t with a sense of joy or certainty. It was a decision I made because I still wanted to be a mom.

Amy:
So how did you find your surrogate?

Marly:
It took time. I talked to friends of friends, did tons of research, and eventually started calling agencies myself. I knew what I was looking for—someone empathetic, responsible, and who understood how hard this was for me and my husband. I eventually found someone through an agency who hadn’t even officially signed on yet. We had a match call, and I just knew.

Amy:
And how was the experience of going through the pregnancy with her?

Marly:
Honestly, she became one of the most special people in my life. I didn’t expect that. I thought I’d want distance, but she was incredible. So was her husband. The day the babies were born—yes, we had twins!—he came to our hospital room and brought me flowers, saying, “Every new mom should have flowers.” I call her Auntie Beth.

Amy:
That’s amazing. And now your twins are—

Marly:
They’ll be six in June. Jack and Celine.

Amy:
I love that. And did you know you were having twins from the start?

Marly:
We put in two embryos after a failed transfer and were hoping for one. When the doctor found both on the ultrasound, we were shocked.

Amy:
Twins are no joke!

Marly:
They’re a blessing and a whirlwind.

Amy:
So how did this experience change your career path?

Marly:
It changed everything. I left clinical practice and now work exclusively in fertility consulting. I help intended parents navigate surrogacy, egg donation, sperm donation—whatever their journey looks like. I work with about 25 individuals or couples at a time, helping them find matches and supporting them through the process.

Amy:
That’s such a beautiful way to give back. You turned this incredibly difficult chapter into something meaningful—for you and for others.

Marly:
Thank you. I really believe I was meant to go through what I did so I could do this work.

Amy:
And you’re helping people make informed choices, with professional guidance—exactly the kind of care and advocacy that’s so needed in this space.

Marly:
That’s the goal.

Amy:
Thank you, Marly. I’m so grateful for your honesty and for this conversation.

Marly:
Thank you, Amy.

Editor’s Note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.